


'cause i'm gonna stay by your side

by mooniisu



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gay Feelings, M/M, i think, it's literally just them talking on the couch, not too much angst tho, vulnerable victor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-05
Updated: 2016-12-05
Packaged: 2018-09-06 15:35:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8758765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mooniisu/pseuds/mooniisu
Summary: Now that it's morning, Victor worries about the consequences of that kiss. Yuuri is there for him though.





	

**Author's Note:**

> this is the second time i'm posting this, because i didn't like the first version anymore after like two days i uploaded it, so i changed it up a bit and here we are
> 
> set after episode 7
> 
> enjoy sad gay victor nikiforov

“Hey, Yuuri” Victor said softly.

It was a quiet morning. Soft light poured through the windows, the only noise was the satisfying tsssss of the frying pan. They were at the compact kitchen in their hotel room, both cooking something for breakfast.

“Hmmn” he answered simply, paying attention to the food.

“Do you- do you think I shouldn't have done that? Kissing you after the performance, I mean” Yuuri stopped now, and looked at him. Victor hated that look. He looked constipated.

“Do _you_ regret it?”

“No I- I don't know. It's just” his voice broke a little. Yuuri sighed, dropping what he was doing and looking at him with his eyebrows furrowed. He just seemed kinda sad now.

They didn't talk about it last night. They both were too focused on each other when they arrived. Victor always got too invested after watching Yuuri skate. That, and the hotel room had a really big bathtub they hadn't had the chance to use yet.

They even turned off their phones, that were already going crazy with messages and calls from literally everyone. Victor still didn't dare to try and read those.

And now that he actually had time to think about it, Victor couldn't help but worry. What would the media even say? Nothing good, that's for sure. Would his parents see it? Yakov was probably going to be angry. Damn, this could affect Yuuri's career so much.

When they were exiting the arena, reporters were all over them. But Victor didn't answer any questions, he just politely shoved them off, and said that 'it was a commemoration after such a good performance'. Maybe that was really stupid too?

Yuuri took his hand “Come sit down.”

He followed him out of the kitchen space and they both sat on the couch, facing each other. Yuuri didn't let go of his hand. He just started rubbing it, soothingly.

Yuuri's hair was still kind of a mess, end he had some marks from last night that Victor could see, on the base of his neck, but just because the hoodie he was wearing was one of Victor's really old and big ones. He looked cute.

“I actually really liked that kiss, you know” he started.

“Me too! I just think it was probably stupid of me. I'm sorry. That was live on TV, Yuuri, it could bring real damage to your career. And we both know people are gonna be assholes about it, they don't like people like us. I've seen it, and I know you have, too. I... I don't want something I did out of impulse to hurt you.”

“Victor...” he grabbed his other hand now. “I know where you're coming from. And I understand that it will affect my career, but...” he adjusted his glasses. “I'm so proud of being your boyfriend. You're Victor Nikiforov! Five times world champion figure skater and an amazing athlete. I know it's going to be hard, but I'm so happy that now I'm going to be able to tell people that you're mine.”

Victor didn't know what to say. He was relieved that's what Yuuri thought, but, still, it was so scary. Coming out officially as gay. To the whole world. Because that's what he did last night when he decided to kiss another man on television.

 

__________

 

He did come out a few times in his life, though.

Once when he left home. He was young but he was making money out of skating then, and even if he loved his parents, he knew they couldn't love every part of him, and that hurt so much. But he also didn't love every part of them, hated that they couldn't accept him, so he supposed it was okay.

They hated the way he talked when he was little, so much he actually tried forcing himself to speak in a _manly_ way many, many times. They hated his hair. They hated when he sang along to pop songs in the car. They hated that he was always hanging out with girls, and they also didn't like that he skated. He was only able to actually do it because Yakov went to his house and talked to them.

It wasn't good, coming out to his parents. They always knew about him, they screamed it at him that night. But he was leaving, and as a teenager, it was the only thing he could do to feel that he was really free, and have some kind of revenge.

Another time, he came out to this friend he really liked. They were older, Victor was already famous, and he was a skater too.

They were out drinking together and Victor was tipsy already. His friend looked so beautiful sitting there and taking shots, Victor just blurted out “I like men, you know. Sorry, but you look beautiful” and hoped he wouldn't get hit.

They slept together that night, and, by morning, he was telling Victor to never tell what happened to anyone, and not talk to him anymore.

He also came out to little Yuri, not long ago.

Yuri was angry because he couldn't do a routine perfectly, and was throwing stuff at the wall. When Victor tried to help, saying something about everyone having their bad moments, Yuri snapped. “Oh, just shut up already, you're the fucking perfect champion, Russian living legend that everybody loves."

So Victor just told him: “I'm not perfect. I drool in my sleep, I'm a horrible singer. The people I actually want to like me never do. The longer lasting relationship I have in my life is with my dog, I can't keep anyone close. I'm gay.”

Yuri still seemed annoyed when he said “Well, thanks for all the useless facts and information about your life, but you're still the living legend and perfect figure skater.” He turned to leave, but gave up and spoke again “and those aren't even all bad things, stupid.”

Victor never told him, but that's when he started to really like the kid.

He never came out to Yakov. He never needed to. The day he left home, he tried telling him why he was so sad, why his parents didn't want him home anymore. But there were a lot of tears and he couldn't find the words, so he didn't. Yakov just placed a hand on his shoulder, telling him it was okay.

“I know Vitya, it's alright."

And he came out to Yuuri, just before asking if he could kiss him one day, months ago. That was definitely the best time he came out to someone.

 

__________

 

He buried his face in Yuuri's neck, closing his eyes “I'm proud of you, too. And I want people to know I'm yours. But I'm scared, Yuuri. I don't think I can be strong enough to take what they're going to say. I'm going to disappoint my Russian fans, and even other skaters who looked up to me, too.”

It was hard, being so open to someone.

But he really wanted Yuuri to be close to him.

“I took so long to be okay with my sexuality and proud of myself, but I'm still here worrying because people saw me kissing my boyfriend. I hate that they have the power to make me feel that way. I hate it Yuuri.”

He sighed. It wasn't fair Victor had to feel this way. He already was a disappointment to his parents, he didn't want to be a disappointment to his whole country too.

Yuuri had his hands on Victor's hair now “I get it. I really do” he paused “It took some time for me, too. I was only able to be more kind to myself about my sexuality when I went to Detroit. I met some people at my classes that were openly queer, and I went to clubs sometimes. I made friends, I met Pichit. That was the first time I could be entirely proud of it. I even told my mom when I got back.”

Victor liked hearing him talk, it was nice seeing someone so shy and anxious calmly talking about something, telling him about his life, and Victor being the one who would just listen for once.

“I never _told_ Yuko, though, she somehow just knew” he chuckled, then got quiet for a moment again. “They're the wrong ones, Victor, they're wrong for making us feel this way. For telling us for so long that we're wrong just for existing. You're amazing and being gay just makes you more amazing, you should be proud of that, even if you were taught you shouldn't, and, to be honest, your fans should, too. ”

He sighed. _But they won't._

“I know” but if he knew, why was he so worried? “I realize that but still, it feels so bad. To know they think we're wrong, and to know some people will go from liking me to hating me just from watching us on TV” he was looking at Yuuri now “I'm twenty-seven, Yuuri, I shouldn't be so weak about this.”

“You're not _weak_ ” he sounded almost offended “you just came out in front of the whole world, when you too have a career to worry about, when you're just about to go back to Russia. That's not being weak.”

“Yeah, but I didn't _intend_ to. I just wanted to give my boyfriend a kiss.”

“You're still not weak.”

“Oh, almost crying because your boyfriend told you you're amazing for being gay is such a strong thing to do.”

Yuuri smiled at that.

“I was so anxious yesterday that I cried because you were mean to me. Does that make me weak?”

He still felt so guilty, _that_ was a stupid thing “no.”

Yuuri took off his glasses, leaving them in the small coffee table, and got closer to him, resting his head on Victor's shoulder and throwing his legs on his lap.

“Part of the reason I'm happy you kissed me there” Yuuri spoke softly “is exactly that people are gonna see it. Homophobic jerks won't be the only ones to see us, you know. Kids are going to see that too. Gay kids. Can you even imagine how happy you would be if you saw two male figure skaters kissing on TV when you were fifteen?”

Victor couldn't.

He didn't even think about it that way.

“I... I can't.”

“Yeah, I know. I've taken ballet classes with Minako for a long time, you know. And she couldn't stop her classes just so I could have a private teacher, as you probably had, so I just joined her class with other students.” Victor nodded, he had listened a little about it before.

“And besides me, there were only two other boys who actually did it for more than a year. Because all the parents thought ballet is not meant for boys, that they sons should be playing sports instead of acting like girls. Of course they didn't understand anything about ballet” he paused, still running his hands through Victor's hair. "But my point is: i've seen so many boys giving up on their dreams, crying to Minako and apologizing. Because they parents were starting to think they were gay, which or they didn't like to be called, or they really were and got scared. Or even because they were having trouble at school for dancing. And I think... I think those kids need to see that it's okay, Victor.”

Victor was, to be honest, kind of speechless. Yuuri always surprised him.

“So, even if the media says we're disgusting, it's not going to be all media. Even if some people start hating us, other people are gonna be happy and inspired and have hope. And maybe become fans. I'm scared too, hell, I'm Japanese, this is probably going to be a scandal back home too, but” Yuuri looked up at him “we're going to be kind of a big deal for those people, I think. That kiss was a good thing.”

Victor was just so in love with this man.

He bumped his forehead against Yuuri's, and closed his eyes, smiling.

“I... thank you. You're right. And I think you just made me fall in love with you all over again.”

Yuuri smiled “you're welcome” and kissed him for a while.

When they stopped, Yuuri took his hand “now,” he got on his feet and grabbed his glasses from the table “let's get our phones and see what the world has for us, while we have our breakfast, okay?”

“Okay, but I'm still kinda scared” Victor got up too, letting himself be guided to the bed to get their phones.

“That's okay. But you don't really need to be, 'cause I'm gonna stay by your side.”

It was hard, opening up like that, talking about insecurities. But, with Yuuri, it was _so_ worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> i just really really want to know victor's backstory
> 
> i'm also mooniisu on tumblr if anyone is interested


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